re: sticking with it
I read and enjoyed ava's post you can stick with it.
It mostly addresses those productivity tool enthusiasts, hopping about and changing apps and methodologies in a never ending search for 'the ideal' one.
Then I came to a paragraph which seemed to be written especially for me.
At the same time, the view you have of yourself is ruining it too. You are constantly devaluing and putting down your past selves and what they created down. You dismiss your own writing as yapping, rambling, trash. You think it’s old, it’s cringe, it’s embarrassing, it’s not deep enough, no one cares about it, it doesn’t reflect your mental space 2 weeks later, so you burn it all down.
Yep, it's me and my blogging over the years. Although, to be fair, I have lasted more than two weeks a few times now.
This is not the first time that ava has spoken some truths to me. And I suppose they are truths to me because I already know them—I just haven't had the jolt of having it observed, recognised, and being presented from outside and back to me before.
The post is not really about blogging exactly—and I have been slightly more consistent with my planning and note methodology and apps than blogging—but it did let me see a truth about what's going on with my online writing.
For me, writing that is ending up in a public place (although of the eight billion public, it's generally only read by about five of them) is shaped by knowing that writing is going out there and being free to go where it will, once published. So some part of my mind is protecting variously sized slivers of me-ness to be kept for me.
Then sometimes I think, that internal definition of the me parts I want to variously share and keep private change temporarily, according to health and the brain chemical mix created by that health.
Bang! Hit that delete button!
I really will try to stick with this one, not delete but let it develop and go its own way, and for that I think I have to stop presenting just a version of myself and let it all come out.
I think that's what I've been doing this time, with focusing on the little #ThatWasGood snippets of life, and writing in my own voice rather than having a character to proxy it through.
But also, being realistic for a moment, and me being me and knowing me (as seen on my About page), I could forget I ever read it and had this serious thinking about things, and in about two weeks burn it all down and start again.
Remind me to come back and read this post and the quote from ava before I do that.
Written by a real person who completely ignores red wavy underlining and uses perfectly legitimate brand new words that just haven't made it to a dictionary yet.
Post Link: https://skryblans.com/re-sticking-with-it
↓ There is a star to click down here, if you have been fully trained by modern social media to click stars mindlessly whenever you see them.
I have been similarly fully trained to receive them gratefully.