farty soup recipe, aka greens and beans.
Is that not a title that'll have everyone flocking to read just how they can recreate this delicious soup, and then, once cooked and savoured, await the pleasing, if not soul-cleansing arrival of the said recipe's almost supernatural gaseous powers?
In fact, it is only J who calls this soup farty soup. I call it 'greens and beans'. I'm not even sure it is a soup. I originally started out calling it a stew, but I've added to the liquidity of it a little, so I don't know now.
I should note at this point that I am NOT a cook, and also not a recipe writer. I am sure this will become more apparent.
Ingredients
- A finely chopped normal sized carrot. Or two little carrots. Or four tiny carrots. Or of course, half a really large carrot, unless it was grown by Bob 'Carroty' McCarrot, Largest Carrot Winner of the annual Giant Vegetable growers carrot category thirty eight years in a row. In this case, use your discretion.
- A medium onion. No, not an onion who can talk to your dead grandparents. One that is not a small or a large onion. Finely chopped. As in the bits of onion should be really small, not that you should chop it with one of the very best and refined knives on a hand-crafted artisan chopping board. Sometimes I go with a 'rustic' chop. That's a fancy name for roughly and unevenly. Depends on time and the attention to detail my concentration allows.
- A stick of celery. Also normal. And either finely or rustically chopped, depending on arsedness.
- A bit of plain flour. A slightly heaped teaspoon. Or possibly a barely level dessert spoon. Look, it just depends on what spoon falls to hand when I open the cutlery drawer, OK?
- Olive Oil. Some. A splosh.
- Two garlic cloves, finely chopped. Or minced with one of those garlic press things maybe, to save you chopping. Is there a difference in taste? Possibly. Can you taste that difference? Again, possibly. Do one of them. Then perhaps do the other way next time.
- Spring greens. Two heads of. I'd love to tell you how much in some measurement or other, but I have no idea. Once chopped, it fills the bowl (heaped a bit as well) that we still use which came with a long since defunct set of scales. Is that any help? Thought not.
I take a whole head and cut the leaves into ribbons cross-ways, about 2.5cm wide strips, or an inch, whichever way your brain works out how much that is. If the leaves are big, I cut them in half length-ways before then doing the cross-ways thing.
(Note: I do use cavalo nero for this recipe sometimes, depends on what the veg box delivery supplies. The stalks on that are pretty tough, so I strip the leaves off and finely chop the stalks to use on top of the onion, celery and carrot initial ingredients.) - A can of cannellini beans. 400g. The first ingredient I can be absolutely accurate with because its written on the can.
- A can of lentils. Ditto.
- A level teaspoon of paprika
- A squidge of tomato puree, probably about a dessert spoon's worth but I've never really measured it. I just squeeze the tube until it looks about enough.
- Salt to taste. Nothing fancy, there's nothing fancy about the whole thing. Although having said that, I use a cornish sea salt with lemon and thyme in it which does give a nice little zest to it all. Perhaps I should have said some lemon zest as an ingredient as well, just in case you're not using cornish seal salt with lemon and thyme. And probably some thyme.
- Vegetable stock. A litre of. I use two teaspoons of a boullion powder one, or Knorr vegetable stock cubes, one per 500ml. Or you could go fancy and make some vegetable stock from real vegetables, but really, who has time or energy enough for that? Or, handy tip, if you are using cavalo nero or kale as the greens, chop them and simmer them separately in a pan of water for ten minutes before starting the rest of the recipe below, spoon out the leaves and reserve them and use the cooking water as the stock. Maximum flavour and farty chemical elements retained.
Method
What you're doing here is a soupy stewy thing (still not quite sure which of them it should be) so probably best to use a pretty big stewy/soupy pan on a hob.
A splosh of olive oil, then chuck in the chopped celery, carrot and onion. Apply medium heat, mix it all up with an energetic flounce or two to look professional, and let it all soften and mingle.
Once the onions look a bit transparent, in with garlic. Stir it in, wait a few seconds...hmm, smells like garlic cooking... bit longer... now add paprika, stir it in, mix it all up, wait a few seconds... bit longer... excellent, tomato puree, mix it all up, bosh, generous pinch or two of salt (with lemon and thyme optional), then add all of the stock. All of it at once.
Fuck it, forgot the flour - that goes in before the tomato puree and stock bit, and you need to do the mix it in well and wait a few seconds before moving on again to the tomato. Sorry. I could edit this to make out that never happens, but this is me cooking and this is what it's like. I probably just go ahead and forget doing the flour bit as it's too late now and reduce it all a bit more at the end instead to make up for it, but you have the chance to do it all right, as long as you didn't skip this incredibly long paragraph and do it before the stock.
Empty in the beans and lentils now, the entire contents of the can including the water they're in. That's good stuff too.
Let that all bubble and simmer for a bit. Don't boil it. Ten minutes? Twenty? Something like that. Depends if there's a cricket commentary on the radio, or a discussion about where to go on holiday this year is taking place.
Greens! They should go in last. It looks like it's loads of it at first, but it'll cook down over the next ten minutes or so. Don't put the lid on the pan, the greens stay green better that way.
It's ready when you test a bit of the greens and it's easy to eat, rather than so chewy you feel like tomorrow may come before you've finished this bit of greens. If you've used cavalo nero, or just kale, it may in fact be ready tomorrow.
To serve, ladle it into a big bowl. Grate some parmesan on top for poshness. Add a rustically thick slice of brown bread, perhaps even a sourdough depending on how posh you are.
This recipe contains enough nutrition to allow your stomach to burble for hours afterwards as it tries to get to grips with just how to process it all.
Is it a stew, or is it a soup? Who knows. But if you're anything like J, it will probably make you fart like a foghorn all night.
A note: What this post really needs is a picture, but as I'm not in the habit of taking pictures of my food, you'll have to imagine it. That's not as good as eating it, but does guarantee you don't get the farts.
Written by a real person who completely ignores red wavy underlining and uses perfectly legitimate brand new words that just haven't made it to a dictionary yet. skryb
Post Link: https://skryblans.com/farty-soup-recipe-aka-greens-and-beans
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