blogging wobbling
I have recently had the domain renewal notice for skryblans. It is set to auto-renew annually, it's just they let me know a couple of weeks before it's due to happen. Even though I haven't blogged for more than a month now, I have let it renew, so I'll continue to own skryblans.com for another year.
But I have had a blog wobble.
I warn about the likelihood of this happening on my about page. I do have a tendency to delete my blog on a whim, with a simple, quick, and impetuous flourish of the mouse button. I was going to end skryblans today. Just write off the trifling cost of the domain renewal (although the stinginess in me protests greatly at the unused 'sunk cost') and delete the blog entirely.
There are reasons for this. But, luckily for you, I've just deleted the two paragraphs I wrote where I explained those reasons. Nobody wants to be as depressed as I sounded in those. I don't want to be as depressed as I sounded in those. Nobody comes to a blog hoping to be depressed by reading about how depressed the writer is, do they?
The TL;DR for the missing paragraphs is: period of bad physical and mental health, not over yet, recent anniversaries of tragic family deaths, hard to write anything worth reading when I'm a being self-pitying miserable bastard.
(Incidentally, I saw someone suggest using AI;DR recently, which made me smile)
But you know what? Yes, you're reading skryblans now.
Sorry, it's still bloody here. Persistent little bugger.
I am mercurial of mood. Sometimes I write honestly, how I'm feeling about something in that moment, or document some family angst, and then read it back weeks later when I'm feeling more playful, cringe badly about how miserable it is and how much I've revealed (even though no one really knows who I am exactly) and delete it.
Sometimes I write something I think is funny and playful, and then read it back weeks later when I'm feeling more sensible and think it's vacuous, frivolous, and cringe, and I delete it.
Sometimes I just feel the concept of blogging and sharing stuff online is stupid for somebody generally happy to be a disconnected loner living in a cave, and I want to delete it all.
What saved the blog today is I read my own about page, and I thought, that's actually quite entertaining. I want to be that person again. The obviously cheerful one. The maybe a bit funny one.
Yes, the truly narcissistic (and unusual) experience of me enjoying reading my own writing brought me back from having a low mood, and back towards actually feeling more positive about things. It showed me that I have better things in me than I currently feel. And if it helped me, perhaps occasionally it'll help someone else feeling a bit glum to have a smile too.
Now all I have to do is write some more things that I think are good enough to stay here, in whichever of my many moods I am in.
post link for sharing: https://skryblans.com/blogging-wobbling
If you got this far, you may as well click the star below on your way out.